GOD Is In Control

I am reminded once again how little control we have over circumstances and how God protects His own.

For medical reasons, a woman was being induced for labor. This was her 4th baby and she had normal births with her first 3. The induction process began very slowly and continued to just not progress - no matter what we did. As I told her and her husband, I pulled all my rabbits out of my hat and any other hat I could find. I consulted with my physician and 2 other midwives for ideas, suggestions and advice. Nothing was working and we just had no explanation for her body not "getting the message" that we were asking it to start labor. So, after 2 1/2 days of trial and failure, and eventually signs from her baby that she was ready to be born, we proceeded with cesarean birth.

I was extremely frustrated during this time of induction for many reasons, but mainly because I could not understand what was wrong. Why her body, which had labored and delivered 3 babies in the past, did not cooperate with our efforts. Several hours before we went to surgery, I had to let go of my frustration and tell myself over and over that this is in God's hands. I finally prayed about it, felt peace about the outcome (whatever that would be) and proceeded to walk along the path with this family. In discussing the cesarean, I shared with this family that some things are completely out of our hands (despite all we think we know in medicine) and that sometimes God just has other plans for our births. Many times we find with the cesarean an explanation for why we ended up there instead of a vaginal birth but sometimes not. I always hope for an explanation because that helps me process everything that happens. I also shared my belief that God is in control of these circumstances and that sometimes He just doesn't let things happen for a reason. We may or may not ever know that reason, but I trust that it is in His control.

In this instance, we did find some very good reasons why her body never labored. I am so thankful to God for keeping control of this situation and keeping this mama and baby out of harm. I am also very thankful for reminders of His presence in my life, by giving me peace in the midst of an inner storm, and for helping me to trust Him more even in my uncertainty. I don't know why instances like this amaze me every time they happen. You would think I would remember how He has worked in the past and just rest in His wisdom, but that is less often the case. I think this is why it is so important to tell and retell all the great things that God has done-it keeps it fresh on our minds so that we don't forget or get distracted by our doubts. I never want to cease to be amazed by God, (and I can't imagine that happening), but I do aspire to rest more in His timing, His control, and His wisdom. It is infinitely greater than anything I will ever obtain!

Semantics

Lately I have found myself more frustrated over the language surrounding birth in our society. I go through phases of correcting people when I am referred to as "the doctor." I am a midwife, not a doctor. I purposefully chose to NOT go to medical school and become an OB/GYN because I felt that midwifery was my calling and fit my philosophy more so than the medical model. To many they see no difference. To me, there is a vast difference because I know that midwifery is it's own profession and has it's own philosophy. There are definite times that a doctor or surgeon is needed, and I am so grateful that they are there, but that is not my role.

Since becoming a midwife, I have noticed my word choices have changed regarding the birth of the baby. I admit that I used to say that "I delivered so-and-so." Over time, this changed to "catching the baby." I've now settled into being the one in "attendance at the birth" or "receiving the baby." Many may see this trivial, but I feel there is a true fundamental difference behind these words. So many times women will ask who will be there to deliver the baby? I purposefully tell them that they will be the one delivering the baby and explain who may be there in attendance for the birth. I think it is so important for women to see themselves as the one responsible for delivering their child. It's a shift in perspective that is empowering and emboldens women to take on the role of motherhood.

I notice the difference in wording especially between women who choose homebirth or out of hospital birth in a birth center and women in the hospital. I don't believe I've ever heard a woman who birthed outside the hospital referring to their midwife or doctor as the one who delivered their child. When women or family members refer to me as the one who delivered their baby I again purposefully say that I did not do the work of delivery and that the mother is the one who deserves all the credit for that event.

Midwife means "with woman" and that is my role - to be with a woman as she grows her baby during pregnancy, to be with a woman as she labors and to be the attendant at birth. I am an attendant, an aid, a resource for women. Some women need more guidance than others during this journey and my job is to meet them where they are and walk with them to motherhood. I cannot do the work for them.

As I walk with women through this journey, I hope that they do learn to see themselves as the one responsible for their babies. I want women to realize that they are in control of what they eat, what they put into their bodies and therefore into their babies. I want women to realize that they have a job to do in labor and that, by doing this job, they gain confidence in their abilities to be the mother of their child. I want women to realize that pregnancy and birth is an opportunity to discover an amazing quality they possess - to be a mother - and that this is their most important role of their life.