Connection

There are moments during some births that change your world. Moments when you almost become one with the laboring woman. Pace your breathing to lead her down a calmer path. Cool her face and neck with a cold cloth and feel refreshed yourself. Look into her eyes as she is focused so completely on you that you know your soul is connected to hers.

I experienced one of these births this morning. What a blessing!

I do love birth. I love the babies, love to see them as they open their eyes and start to take in all the outside world. But I love labor and the actual birth more than anything. I love sitting with women as they labor, holding their hands, attending to them as they do the work of bringing their little baby into their arms. And I love the connection with women when you know deep in your being that you are part of something that has no words.

There is a sense of calm, sense of peace, a sense of wonder at what is happening in her body. And then comes the feeling, the sensation of knowing that her baby is coming very soon - and that's when the look in her eyes comes. She looks at you with wide eyes, deep breath, sometimes sounds, and all heart. That's when everyone and everything else in the room disappears. That's when you know you are about to witness a miracle.

Every time I am amazed and humbled at the power of birth. And I am humbled by the fact that I am allowed to participate in these miracles! I feel my heart swell a little bit larger as it envelops the glory of birth - and I can only respond with praise to the One who is Creator of us all.

The Challenge of the Tongue

There were certain challenges I knew I would face when becoming a midwife. There are other challenges that I just didn't expect to face at such a frequent rate - my foot in my mouth being one of them!

Lately I have have been very convicted of my tongue. It is a message that God has been sending me for YEARS and I just keep failing over and over and over. There have been many times that I regret what I have said but there is little or no negative impact. There have been a few times when I have made comments that break that trust and relationship that I have with a woman coming to me for care. These are not comments said in anger or meant to harm, but they have possibly been spoken with the wrong motive on my part, in the wrong tone, or mainly just at the wrong time. In my mind, there has been some misunderstanding on the part of the woman, but the comment is said and the damage is done nonetheless.

How I wish I could erase these comments or at least convey my true regret and sorrow to these women for the hurt I caused. Even after heartfelt apologies, I can feel that the relationship is damaged.

I wish I had better control over my tongue - I pray for this often but not nearly enough. I ask for forgiveness and strength and wisdom to continue this path of bridling my willful tongue.