Let the Journey Begin

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9


Transition is always a challenge. New places, new people, the unknown. As most all people feel, staying in your current location or situation always seems easier than changing. I am no different...usually. But this year I have experienced something new as a major life change has unfolded in my life. I absolutely attribute this difference to God. I feel His presence, I see His path (even if it's just the next single step for me to take and not the entire road), and I am seeking His wisdom. Joshua 1:9 has come to life in my heart and in my walk with God.

This journey began a few years ago. I met and befriended a fellow midwife, Doreen Lawton. She is a homebirth midwife who serves women in my region, and my practice has collaborated with her and accepted referrals when needed for hospital delivery. It has been a wonderful relationship for women to know that they are transferring to a safe and welcoming environment at one of the most vulnerable times in their lives. Doreen and I connected on many levels: as midwives, as wives, as lovers of tea, and most importantly as sisters in Christ. Doreen reminds me of a precious mentor of mine who has gone to be at home with God, Caroline Maddox. The peace of God, the firm foundation they stand on is palpable when you spend any amount of time with them ~ and it makes me want to know God on a deeper level.

Doreen and I often said, "Wouldn't it be nice if we could work together all the time? Wouldn't it be nice to offer women our services together? Wouldn't it be nice if...if...if..." But it didn't seem obtainable or reachable in our minds. But God stepped in, and God says, "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) Earlier this year, God heard the prayers of our hearts and began a journey to bring about these dreams we shared. Separately, God brought people into our lives and orchestrated events that led us to August 31, 2012 ~ the date that we said, "Ok God, if this is what you want for us, we're ready to follow Your lead. But You are going to have to do it." And then the whirlwind adventure took off, we've been clinging to Him and trying to keep up! Literally.

Journey of Life Midwifery Services was conceived that day, we have labored diligently and to exhaustion at times. And last night, December 15, 2012, we celebrated the birth of our practice with our open house in Seneca, SC. Looking back, the past 3 1/2 months have been hard, but I cannot fathom how fast things have happened! There is no other explanation but GOD! And, like women who are in labor and wonder if they can make it, when it is over it was all SO worth it. I am so thankful for the outpouring of God's blessings on our journey. Many people have labored as diligently as Doreen and I to help this come to fruition and I cannot express how thankful I am to them.

As with childbirth, the work doesn't end with the delivery of the baby. There is raising of that child to be done ~ and that is where we are now. Our practice is at its infancy and will need tender loving care to grow. But God is the author and finisher of this and I am trusting that He will continue to provide all we need.

I know many women who read this see me at my current job and wonder what is going to happen there. As of now, I am still working full-time at Women's Wellness Center. I've talked with both doctors about my plans and they are supportive of this transition (another answered prayer!). I do plan to work full-time in South Carolina as our clientele grows and can financially support us. I foresee this transition happening in the spring/early-summer of 2013, but it is in God's hands. I am trusting that God will provide all our needs for clients, for finances, and for our future. He has been faithful to us thus far and has promised us to continue to be faithful. "O Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you." (Psalms 89:8)  "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." (Psalms 115:1)

Transitions have always been hard for me. I worry, I stress, I can't sleep, I have headaches, I have muscle spasms; but not with this transition. I have experienced the peace that passes all understanding because I have not worried or been anxious about this venture. I sense the peace of God and His presence in this and I know that He is in control. For a self-professed control-freak, I'm actually greatly enjoying the feeling of not needing to be in control of this. I know that it is in good hands ~ the best hands in the universe! I am so thankful for that peace!

So this is the story of the Journey of Life Midwives! As John says in John 21:25, "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that the whole world would not have room for all the books that would be written." I feel like I could go on for days listing all the blessings God has poured out on us and all the prayers, spoken and unspoken, that He has answered, but I know this blog entry must end. I will end by giving a few specifics about our new practice and our services. If we can serve you in any way, please contact us!

Journey of Life Midwifery Services
108 Nimmons Circle
Seneca, SC  29678

Doreen Lawton, LM, CPM and Denise Cochran, CNM - owners and midwives

JourneyofLife.net
facebook.com/JourneyofLifeMidwifery

Our initial services include childbirth classes, breastfeeding classes and support, free consultation for midwifery services, homebirth, doula services for hospital births, normal gynecological care. Our dream is to open a birth center and offer both homebirth and birth center services. We collaborate with Dr. Shannon Poole at Blue Ridge Women's Care at Oconee Medical Center in Seneca.

As God continues to lead us, we will follow. Our practice motto is "Serving God Through Midwifery" and this is what we pray daily ~ to serve and bring glory to God through our work.

 Look for our sign on Hwy 123 in Seneca!

 Doreen and me at our open house celebration.

Our waiting room

Walking by Faith

I confess that, at times in my life, I have been a lukewarm Christian. I confess that, at times in my life, I have deliberately ignored and rebelled against God. So I can say with certainty that seeking God and walking by faith in Him is undoubtedly better than any alternative I have tried in my past.

Now, I am not saying that I have it all figured out, or that I make no mistakes - I see myself clearly as a fallen sinner - but I stand firm on grace and faith in Jesus Christ, and that makes all the difference.

Walking by faith is hard sometimes. I pray for God to show me my sinful nature, to refine me, and He does. I pray for humility and I am faced with my raging pride. I pray for wisdom and He shows me that my knowledge and understanding is so minute. I pray for compassion and He shows me my judgmental attitudes. And I am thankful, eventually.

Unfortunately, my raging pride and my judgmental attitude still seem to be my default when faced with certain situations. I definitely can recognize this impulsive response earlier now than in the past, and can pray for grace and wisdom and receive it, but there still are times when it is hours or days later that I see how my pride once again rose its ugly head. Thank God that His grace is never ending!

Ultimately it comes down to the cross. That is what I didn't understand as a lukewarm Christian or as a rebel against God. It's why I didn't understand the incredible miracle of the Gospel. Even though I grew up hearing about the cross, I didn't get it. And now I do. The cross is everything and the only thing.

When I focus on the cross, I am faced with my sin, my pride, my greed, my rebellion against God. I am ashamed of my sin and recognize that I have nothing to expect or deserve but death; being outcast from His presence. But as I cower at the base of the cross, feeling so worthless and unworthy, is when I get it - really get it. God's grace, God's love, God's forgiveness is there to surround me, pick me up, hold me, carry me, teach me, walk with me, lead me, and bathe me in renewed life. This is the message of the cross for me. Yes, it is there to convict me of my sin and show me how far away I am on my own from God; but it is there first and foremost to show me how much God loves me, how much He cares for me, how much He is willing to sacrifice for me.

I realize that this is the message that is told over and over again in the Bible. It is the message that is preached from pulpits and printed in thousands of books. But all these words meant nothing to me until I truly let this message into my heart. I am without a doubt a new creation. Without a doubt forgiven. Without a doubt saved. Without a doubt loved. And that is why I trust God completely, and I know that I can walk by faith never doubting that He has good things for me down the journey of my life. And I am grateful.

All You Have To Do Is Breathe

Transition is one of the hardest times in labor for women, and one of my favorite times to be with laboring women. A woman in transition has been through the majority of her labor journey and is turning the final corner to her finish line, but she usually doesn't know that she is so close.

I feel that women in transition are truly baring their souls and you can see, hear, and sense her inner self. Women are subject to the forces of nature and must release themselves to the transition to motherhood - physically, mentally and emotionally. Some women do this with such beauty and grace that it brings tears to my eyes.

Transition, and the intensity of the sensations and emotions, bring many women to the limits of where they think they can go. Many cry, start to panic, ask for unrealistic things (like to go home and just not be in labor anymore), give up or tell me that they "can't do this anymore." When I hear these words I have a primal response that I have only been able to identify as unconditional love for these laboring women. In that moment, I truly feel as if I am 1) worshiping God by serving Him, 2) bonding with a woman in a spiritual way that only forms during times of intensity such as these, and 3) seeing the majesty and beauty of God's love for us - His creation.

I have learned that women need to know that they are not alone in these intense final moments and that they need reassurance that all they have to do is breathe. I encourage women to breathe deeply, slowly, and calmly; remind them to relax muscles with every long exhale. Giving them assurance that they are safe, they are not alone, and that their body is doing exactly what it was made to do. Almost always this helps the laboring woman focus, relax, and simply breathe to allow her baby to move closer to being in her arms.

I don't have the ability to describe the moment when women move from this transition phase to seeing, touching and holding their baby for the first moment. I wish I could capture it on film every single time because it is by far the most beautiful moment I ever experience. I can't begin to imagine how a woman holding her baby in her arms after that journey feels, but I know it's an awe inspiring moment that she will never forget.

As always, birth is a humbling experience for me as a midwife. I am always amazed by the courage and the beauty of women making this journey to motherhood - whether it is their first child or their ninth. It reminds me that, at times of intense personal stress and struggle, all I have to do is breathe; God is living inside me with His Spirit. I am never alone, I am always safe in His presence, and I trust that He knows what to do.

Rewards

There are many rewards to being a midwife. I am able to work with a wide array of women - from teenagers to "advanced-maternal-age" moms. (I have never particularly liked that phrase, but even less now that I meet that criteria!) I am rewarded by seeing women learn about their bodies and their babies growing inside their womb. I love to share with women all the miraculous events that happen as their babies develop and grow. I am rewarded by laying my hands on an abdomen and feeling a baby move under my touch. Sometimes I am lost in the wonderment that there is really a baby inside that abdomen! I am rewarded by relationships that develop over the course of one or more pregnancies. To date, I have worked with two families with whom I have attended four of their children's births, and several with whom I have attended two or three births.

I am also rewarded by relationships with other midwives and practitioners. In my personal experience, I have been very supported by other midwives in my training and in my practice. I greatly enjoy teaching upcoming midwives and am rewarded by passing on the compassionate care of midwifery. Other birth professionals such as doulas, childbirth educators and lactation consultants contribute to the well being of the moms I serve and I cherish relationships with these women also.

However, the greatest reward I receive is being told by a woman that she was praying for me to attend her birth. In my practice, we primarily attend births only when we are on call. There are times when a woman may ask me to attend her birth and I try to accommodate that request if possible. As is human nature, there are women I feel a stronger connection with during prenatal care and I hope that I will be on call when their labor comes. I never impose and ask to attend their births because I don't feel like that is my role. They may feel more comfortable with another midwife or practitioner at their birth and I respect that. I trust that God will provide the attendant that the woman needs during her labor and birth journey. This is one reason why I feel that it is such a great reward when a woman shares with me that she prayed for me to be on call when her baby is born. To know that God is intervening and weaving our lives in such intricate ways amazes me to no end. I am humbled tremendously every time I come up face to face with this grace gift of God!

GOD Is In Control

I am reminded once again how little control we have over circumstances and how God protects His own.

For medical reasons, a woman was being induced for labor. This was her 4th baby and she had normal births with her first 3. The induction process began very slowly and continued to just not progress - no matter what we did. As I told her and her husband, I pulled all my rabbits out of my hat and any other hat I could find. I consulted with my physician and 2 other midwives for ideas, suggestions and advice. Nothing was working and we just had no explanation for her body not "getting the message" that we were asking it to start labor. So, after 2 1/2 days of trial and failure, and eventually signs from her baby that she was ready to be born, we proceeded with cesarean birth.

I was extremely frustrated during this time of induction for many reasons, but mainly because I could not understand what was wrong. Why her body, which had labored and delivered 3 babies in the past, did not cooperate with our efforts. Several hours before we went to surgery, I had to let go of my frustration and tell myself over and over that this is in God's hands. I finally prayed about it, felt peace about the outcome (whatever that would be) and proceeded to walk along the path with this family. In discussing the cesarean, I shared with this family that some things are completely out of our hands (despite all we think we know in medicine) and that sometimes God just has other plans for our births. Many times we find with the cesarean an explanation for why we ended up there instead of a vaginal birth but sometimes not. I always hope for an explanation because that helps me process everything that happens. I also shared my belief that God is in control of these circumstances and that sometimes He just doesn't let things happen for a reason. We may or may not ever know that reason, but I trust that it is in His control.

In this instance, we did find some very good reasons why her body never labored. I am so thankful to God for keeping control of this situation and keeping this mama and baby out of harm. I am also very thankful for reminders of His presence in my life, by giving me peace in the midst of an inner storm, and for helping me to trust Him more even in my uncertainty. I don't know why instances like this amaze me every time they happen. You would think I would remember how He has worked in the past and just rest in His wisdom, but that is less often the case. I think this is why it is so important to tell and retell all the great things that God has done-it keeps it fresh on our minds so that we don't forget or get distracted by our doubts. I never want to cease to be amazed by God, (and I can't imagine that happening), but I do aspire to rest more in His timing, His control, and His wisdom. It is infinitely greater than anything I will ever obtain!

Semantics

Lately I have found myself more frustrated over the language surrounding birth in our society. I go through phases of correcting people when I am referred to as "the doctor." I am a midwife, not a doctor. I purposefully chose to NOT go to medical school and become an OB/GYN because I felt that midwifery was my calling and fit my philosophy more so than the medical model. To many they see no difference. To me, there is a vast difference because I know that midwifery is it's own profession and has it's own philosophy. There are definite times that a doctor or surgeon is needed, and I am so grateful that they are there, but that is not my role.

Since becoming a midwife, I have noticed my word choices have changed regarding the birth of the baby. I admit that I used to say that "I delivered so-and-so." Over time, this changed to "catching the baby." I've now settled into being the one in "attendance at the birth" or "receiving the baby." Many may see this trivial, but I feel there is a true fundamental difference behind these words. So many times women will ask who will be there to deliver the baby? I purposefully tell them that they will be the one delivering the baby and explain who may be there in attendance for the birth. I think it is so important for women to see themselves as the one responsible for delivering their child. It's a shift in perspective that is empowering and emboldens women to take on the role of motherhood.

I notice the difference in wording especially between women who choose homebirth or out of hospital birth in a birth center and women in the hospital. I don't believe I've ever heard a woman who birthed outside the hospital referring to their midwife or doctor as the one who delivered their child. When women or family members refer to me as the one who delivered their baby I again purposefully say that I did not do the work of delivery and that the mother is the one who deserves all the credit for that event.

Midwife means "with woman" and that is my role - to be with a woman as she grows her baby during pregnancy, to be with a woman as she labors and to be the attendant at birth. I am an attendant, an aid, a resource for women. Some women need more guidance than others during this journey and my job is to meet them where they are and walk with them to motherhood. I cannot do the work for them.

As I walk with women through this journey, I hope that they do learn to see themselves as the one responsible for their babies. I want women to realize that they are in control of what they eat, what they put into their bodies and therefore into their babies. I want women to realize that they have a job to do in labor and that, by doing this job, they gain confidence in their abilities to be the mother of their child. I want women to realize that pregnancy and birth is an opportunity to discover an amazing quality they possess - to be a mother - and that this is their most important role of their life.