Boundaries

I talk about boundaries all day every day. Boundaries are absolutely essential for our well being: physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I know the benefits, teach the concept, and encourage the formation of boundaries to women all the time. However, when it comes to my own life, boundaries are often blurred, obscured or completely absent.

My career is my passion but sometimes also my nemesis. Days are filled with working as quickly and efficiently as possible without giving the slightest impression that I am hurrying or not listening intentely to womens' concerns. I pray that I don't miss something in my pace or in my fatigue. Often my days are split between the office and the hospital, with my heart in both places but obviously physically present in only one. It's conflicting to say to a laboring woman that she is my priority when I am called back to the office, but women in the office have pressing needs that deserve my attention as well. Afternoons and evenings are often times a blur of finishing paperwork, returning phone calls, back and forth to the hospital and trying to find time to see my husband before he leaves for work. Nights are a toss up on if sleep or labor will come. Moon phases are on my radar like I never imagined.

How do I draw boundaries for myself without letting something slip? How do I keep my sanity and not fail to meet the needs of the women I am honored to serve?

Self-care is essential but seems out of reach and sometimes only wishful thinking. Burn out for midwives is extremely high and I'm sure there are a multitude of reasons. Low numbers of midwives providing care, lack of equal reimbursement for services provided, personal commitment to level of care women deserve and oftentimes do not receive from other providers, and a love for the miracle of pregnancy, labor and birth. These are just a few of the reasons that come to mind immediately.

While I struggle with these questions and with lack of sleep, I also know in my heart that I could not imagine any other path for me right now. So I press on and pray for strength, understanding, patience, wisdom and discernment. And most of all, right now as I head to bed, I pray for rejuvenating sleep!